Love & Loss

Back in June and July I found it hard to enjoy a moment with Robyn without being immediately overcome with sadness. I was really worried this was how life would be forever, never able to just be genuinely happy, even for a moment.

For me it happened a lot when I was at a toddler class with Robyn, she’d be running around and laughing in the bubbles 🫧, and I would be smiling and at the same time, wiping away a tear.

I mentioned it to my counsellor and we spoke about how it was because my love for Robyn, Mark and Marty was now so closely connected and intertwined with a feeling of deep loss. And it always will be. I suppose that’s the same for any grief?

That might not sound like a very reassuring response! But it was for me because I could explain it to myself when it happened. And it has become much less frequent.

It happened this week though, and it came out of nowhere. We brought Robyn to Disneyland Paris, and as we walked down the main entrance, Christmas songs playing, fake snow falling, it was magical. And I was hit by that feeling like💥The highly unattractive pre cry lip quivering. I wasn’t even thinking about Marty. I wasn’t feeling sad, I wasn’t even skipping with joy at that point, we’d just walked in! But I knew what it was.

We went on to have a great day and made lots of lovely memories. But I know, and I have to accept, that that’s how some great moments, and great days, go now

(Sorry to piss on anyone’s Disney parade, we did have an amazing day!)

Follow @marty.matters on Instagram for more from Marty Matters.