The Dead Baby Society

Sorry for the brutal title but it’s a play on words I couldn’t resist. Sounds like a shit club to be in though eh? Unfortunately there is quite a community, I’ve only realised since starting Marty Matters. Every time my mum thinks I’m going to have a book published or be interviewed on Women’s Hour (dunno where that one came from), I remind her that sadly there are lots of people, too many, who have been through something similar, who are telling their stories and sharing their feelings; and many others who are taking comfort and solidarity from it all.

I was added to a private Facebook group by a charity, all members are women whose children, not necessarily babies, have died. There are 59 of us in the group. 59. It might not sound like many but imagine the tragedy, trauma and devastation in each of their stories, for them and their families. When it was first set up, hardly anyone posted anything, I mean what do you say, where do you start? It made me realise that even none of us knew what to say to each other. “Hi, my names Jo and my baby died. How did yours die?” Maybe not. So don’t ever feel bad if you can’t think of anything to say to ‘us’. I thought of something (better) to post, partly just to show some appreciation to the charity for trying but also to show I was open to talking if anyone wanted to. Turns out nobody wanted to talk, not to me anyway, ha.

I have had a couple of one on one conversations with other mums in ‘the club’ but they haven’t lasted long. Either we’re just in quite different places, or there is simply very little to say. But I think that’s ok, because sometimes in a moment all you need is to know you’re not on your own. And that is enough.

Nobody wants to be in this club. But you’re not the only one in it.

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